The don'ts of an Autobot base
by Saphireblu987
Summary: Come join us at the Autobot Base for some good ole fun! Guaranteed shenanigans!
1. Chapter 1

**Yeah Yeah Yeah I know…finish your other stuff. But I can not help the plot bunnies that eat away at my already glitches brain. =] Sooo ONWARDS! Oh yeaaaah! Suggestions are always wanted! If you want your OC or anyone in here…TELL ME!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Tai belongs to the lovely Tatyana Witwicky. **

The DON"TS of an Autobot base. You will eat, sleep, and BREATHE this. On the orders of Optimus Prime and Prowl of course. So here we go!

Rule 1: Tai , Leo and Sam AND the Chevy twins are in NO way allowed to watch 'Totally Spies'.

(It was kinda scary when all 3 humans ran around the base in matching spy suits)

(I'm sorry Wheeljack tried to make Tai a laser lipstick.)

(And no Tai you can not be WHOOPed anywhere.)

Rule 2: Don't try to explain Ouija boards to any bot.

(That should explain itself)

Rule 3: If you see Ironhide smiling really big and lightly petting his cannons, please note that he has had some 'me' time. Look away quickly and don't stare.

(Leo learned the hard way. Ya just don't stare at Ironhide!)

Rule 4: Don't try to get any bot to do Caramelldansen.

('nuff said)

(Though, Optimus was a good sport about it)

(Only some very persuasive words from Tai would work.)

(Sunny' s optics grew very large as soon as the music came on)

Rule 5: No Adventure Time. Period.

"Don't squeeze me! I'll fart!" (sam when Bee picked him up after taco night)

"I said LUMP off dad" (Tai and OP had a bit of a disagreement but worked it out in the end)

"I'll knock the tar outta him with these!" (Leo, after him and simmons got into it.)

"You're nuts, man. And I can't help you. Probably because I'm just a simple dude. (Sam to wheel jack after he asked for help in his lab)

Rule 6: Do not bring pets to base without the consent of Optimus.

(Such a bad, bad day for Ironhide.)

Rule 7: If Ratchet says no junk food, then NO junk food under any circumstances.

(Sorry Tai, you just can't escape the scanner of doom)

(Though she tried while running away screaming about "No more fucking rabbit food!)

(Leo though he could hide Doritos in the Autobot sized couch in the Rec Room.)

(A bad idea on Leo's part and a bad day for the Doritos)

(Leo cried)

(Ratchet was smug all day)

Rule 8: On the behalf of Tai, Do not antagonize Barricade unless you are said Tai..

(Sam walked by Barricade cooing "Here piggy, piggy, piggy")

(Barricade chased Sam with those creepy claws that come out of his front)

(Sam will never do that again)

(Barricade glares at Sam more than he used to now)

Rule 9: No plotting with the twins. It does not matter what set. Just don't do it.

(Yes it is possible to soup up some go-karts like on 'Catch that Kid')

(Wheeljack was 'grounded' for helping)

(Sam got a broken arm)

(Bee was incredibly buzzed off) :::Pun totally intended:::

Rule 10: When you see Ironhide and Chromia walking or in her case wheeling together, Do not play cheesy porn music. Then hide when they look.

(That was all on Bumblebee)

(Sam just about died giggling when he saw that Ironhide had Bumblebee in a headlock muttering about disrespectful sparklings)


	2. Chapter 2

**Come on guys! I can see that you're reading it! Leave a review please! Thank you to Ironhideforever for reviewing. Come on!  
**

**I would like to thank the amazing Tatyana Witwicky for allowing me to use Tai! Go read her stories. You will never want to stop.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own nothing! Tai belongs to Tatyana Witwicky.**

**TALLEY HO!**

Rule 11: Tai, NO buying Halloween stuff online when it is not Halloween. Exhibit A,B, and C.

a)The eye (Tai attached this to her forehead and told everyone she had the 'sight')

b)An extra arm (Ratchet nearly offlined when Sam ran around with an arm protruding from his stomach)

c)Yet again, another eye ( Optimus almost stepped on Sam when Tai came screaming into his quarters with her eye hanging out of its socket and told Optimus that Sam stabbed her in the face with a pencil)

Rule 12: Women, Please don't spray perfume while riding with an Autobot.

(Tai's Aunt Judy in Barricade? Never again)

(Barricade did NOT want to smell like Lilacs.)

Rule 13: Do not, DO NOT start singing the Wicked Witch of the West's song whenever Chromia rolls by.

(Tai warned you Leo. But of course he didn't listen)

(Leo whimpers pathetically when he sees Chromia now)

(Her death glares even make Barricade stop snickering.)

Rule 14: Don't be alarmed when you walk too close to Sunstreaker.

(you'll get used to him staring at you until you're a safe distance away)

(But don't mind the reddish tinge to his optics)

(Or the soft growling)

Rule 15: No more Edward Scissorhands movie night.

(As soon as the movie was over, Wheeljack was no where to be seen)

(It was quite odd when Captain Lennox appeared to a meeting with scissors on his hands)

(Tai screamed with delight when she saw Lennox's' hands and demanded that she get some too)

(Optimus looked _very disgruntled) _

Rule 16: If you want to plot with someone then recruit Annabelle.

(It is scary how good that little girl is at pulling off pranks)

(Sideswipe was very impressed)

(Lennox? Not so much)

Rule 17: Ladies, Jazz is happily taken. Lets not test those waters shall we?

(An angry Tai is one thing)

(An angry JEALOUS Tai is something to be taken seriously)

Rule 18: When Tai is cranky, let her be cranky.

( Sunny asked if it was her time of month)

(The next morning Sunny had tampons super glued all over his alt mode.)

(He sure got his answer)

Rule 19: Lady GaGa is allowed. Just not around Ironhide...

(Ironhide was a little sick of the blonde chick screaming about her 'Alejandro')

(And whatever the slag a 'disco stick' is, Ironhide does not want to know.)

Rule 20: If the subject of sparklings come about, don't go into detail!

(Leo asked Ironhide if he wanted any)

(Ironhide just stared)

(Chromia rolled slowly in the hall past the door while glaring)

( When she was gone,someone whimpered)

(It wasn't Leo)


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Thanks for the suggestions and reviews! It means a lot to me! Now, on to business.**

**First, I would like to say that we will have some new people joining us on base in the next chapter. So I want you to welcome them when they come. No pulling an Ironhide and grunting. =]**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tai or anything else  
**

Rule 21: If you can help it, don't sneeze out loud in the presence of Ratchet.

(If you just can't hold it in, and you sneeze, and Ratchet looks at you?)

(RUN)

(Leo sneezed twice in a row)

(He was missing for a few days)

Rule 22: Don't correct Ratchet when he is trying to make a statement.

(Leo did just that.)

(Ratchet left a message)

(There was a very Ratchet sized wrench lodged into the door to Leo's room)

(Leo will never do that again)

('nuff said)

Rule 23: When Starscream attacks, don't throw mini-bags of Doritos at him while screaming: FLY AWAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS!

(Tai put bags of Doritos in a rocket launcher)

(Barricade was proud)

(Optimus was not)

Rule 24: No Phineas and Ferb for Wheeljack. Ever.

(Mikaela mentioned that it would be cool to have a flying car of the future today)

(Wheeljack lost his lab privileges.)

Rule 25: No more screamo.

(Sam was playing Korn quite loudly)

(Ratchet thought Sam was hurt)

(There is now a huge gaping hole in what would be Sams door to his room)

(Tai couldn't stop laughing)

Rule 26: Do not let Ratchet watch 'House'.

(In the event that this should happen, ALL humans should evacuate base)

(Immediately)

Rule 27: When Prowl says not to do something, then by all means, DON"T DO IT!

(Prowl told Leo he couldn't make Jello in the base pool)

(But Prowl knew he would try)

(Prowl was waiting for Leo at the pool)

(Leo peed his pants)

Rule 28: Don't make fun of Ironhide about last Halloween.

(Annabelle roped him into putting on Fairy wings.)

(Pink, sparkly Fairy wings)

(Jazz never lets him live it down)

Rule 29: When Chromia actually looks happy and freakishly, Ironhide does too, Don't say a thing.

(Bee asked if he was gonna be an uncle soon)

(Bee no longer has a desire to be an uncle)

Rule 30: No Johnny Test. EVER!

(Wheeljack wanted to make a talking dog)

(To this day, Sam doesn't know where Mojo is.)

(Bee told him he ran away)


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I'm so glad you're enjoying this story! I'm sooo excited to write these. Again, suggestions are welcomed! Thanks for the reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Tai belongs to the lovely Tatyana Witwicky. Sera and Syria belong to the awesome CaMaRoFaN14. Go read both their stories. Amazing!**

**ONWARDS!**

Rule 31: No more Family Guy. Just..no.

(Sideswipe,Sideswipe,Sideswipe, Sides, Sides, Sides, Siders, Siders,Siders)

(Poor Sideswipe)

(Syria attempted to do this with Sunny)

(Not fun for Sunny, Not fun for Syria)

Rule 32: Don't question why Sunstreakers' crotch plating is dented in.

(Just don't)

(Actually, lets just say it was painful for Sideswipe in the long run)

Rule 33: Please stop asking Optimus what it's like being Megatrons brother.

(It's depressing for both parties.)

Rule 34: Left for Dead 1 and/or 2, are for in your room play only.

(Sam said it would be cool to see some of the monsters in real life)

(No Wheeljack for a few days)

(A 'Boomer' in the rec room)

(Therapy)

Rule 35: Don't make fun of Tai's laugh.

(Sometimes, she laughs so hard she forgets to breathe)

(And when she does, it ends up making her snort)

(….Rather loudly)

Rule 36: Under no circumstance is Wheeljack allowed to watch 'Code:Lyoko'.

(No Wheeljack, there is not a supercomputer that houses an evil artificial intelligencethat wants to take over the world)

(And no. You may not try to virtualize anyone.)

(Even if they are willing)

(Leo)

Rule 37: Don't bother 'bots when they're having "alone time" with their sparkmates!

(Leo accidentally walked in on Ironhide and Chromia.)

(They still glare a week later)

(Leo still snickers a week later)

Rule 38: Yes, Galloway is indeed a Douche. A very big one. Telling him so every chance you get is not allowed.

(Tai is not allowed to meetings he attends)

(Pouting Tai is a sad sight)

(Optimus broke down and let her go)

(*cough* DOUCHE *cough*

(Optimus: glare glare glare)

Rule 39: Two words: Car surfing

('nuff said)

Rule 40: No drugs. Whether they be Cybertronian or Human.

(Ratchet was acting a little..off)

(Sam _still _won't tell Tai what he saw in the Med-Bay)


	5. Chapter 5

***walks through door happily***

***Angry glares***

**Me: Oh uhm….hai guys? *cringes***

**Me: OH I know I know…..I'm sorry! Life just got…..so hectic. So so….hectic. It was pretty bad for a while. I'm soooooooooooooooooooooo sorrrrrrry! So uh…shall I proceed?**

***proceeds cautiously…..* **

**Disclaimer : Blah blah I don't own Transformers or anyone else**

Rule 41: If either set of twins beckons you to come into their private quarters..with NO supervision, for the fraggin' love of Primus. DO NOT GO!

(Self..Explanatory. )

(Jeeze!)

Rule 42: If you happen to see Ironhide walking rather..awkwardly, and Chromia rolling around looking pretty smug, Primus forbid..please don't inqure about it!

(Ironhide seemed to be sneaking around today)

(We soon found out why)

(Chromia was in a good mood)

(She wanted a berth rattling, good sparking.)

(Ironhide was busy in the weapons range)

(He said "No.")

(Pain)

Rule 43: Tai and Mickaela, we all know how much you two love girl time with the femmes. And we know you enjoy teaching them about earth customs as well. But PLEASE do not teach them earth female customs. NO matter how unintentional.

(Tai and Mickaela decided that they wanted to look extra sexy one day on base. They met at Mickaela's house and chose some outfits.)

(When they arrived on base, it didn't take long for them to gain attention. Mickaela donned some cut off jean shorts, a black mid-drift top, and strappy black heels while Tai went for the more understated sexy. She donned a navy blue polka dot vintage dress with red peep toe pumps. Oh yeah! It was a good day!)

(While they were walking to the rec room, they were stopped by the femmes. They asked why they changed their base attire so drastically. Tai shrugged her shoulders, "We just wanted to feel sexy for our men!" and went on her way.)

(The femmes decided that they wanted to feel sexy too)

(2 days after seeing Tai and Mickaela in their sexy attire, femmes started appearing around with pieces of their armor missing. The missing armor exposed their sleek protoforms underneath.)

(To make matters worse, they altered their feet to have rather sharp looking heels.)

(glitching mechs all day)

Rule 44: Again, Antagonizing Starscream is NOT allowed! Tai!

(Starscream attacked the Autobot base)

(Tai's Dorito launcher had been confiscated. Respectively.)

(She took to throwing the bags by hand)

("Here chippy chippy chippy! Chippy want a chip?")

(Jazz was not amused when he had to go and retrieve Tai from inside a cave in the canyons)

("Babe, what did you do?)

("I asked the flying chip with an ugly mug if he wanted a chip?)

(*sigh* Babe…)

("I love you! *cheeky smile*)

Rule 45: If you want to get into Sunny's good graces, offer to give him a wash and wax every week. But if he shows signs of enjoying it too much; For example: Excessive moans, strong static, and cooling fan exertion. Drop the sponge…and leave. Don't look back. And don't GO back …no matter how much he begs.

(Boom)

Rule 46: Steer clear of sparkling talk.

(Miles asked Ratchet how sparklings were made.)

(Two hours later, a very pale Miles stumbled out of the Medbay.)

(A smug Ratchet followed close behind.)

("Hmph. That'll teach him.)

Rule 47: Don't tease Ironhide about letting Annabelle draw on him with with glitter glue.

(Leo saw Ironhide slinking off and decided to follow him)

(What he saw will always make him laugh.)

(The great and FIERCE Ironhide was colored like the rainbow with sparkles.)

(Leo asked which "My little Pony" he was)

(Leo may not laugh..ever again.)

Rule 48: Don't sneeze around Sunstreaker. He screams like a sparkling.

(Syria was talking to Sideswipe when Sunny walked in and sat down next to them.)

("HI SUNSTRE- AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" A fine mist of sneeze left her mouth.)

(Sunstreaker will NEVER live this down.)

Rule 49: If you get into an argument with either set of twins, make sure that Bumblebee is not around. He tends to instigate.

(Sam was arguing with Skids and Mudflap about which rapper was better)

(Sam said something particularly nasty)

(I'll tell you about where that rapper can go! UP YOUR EXHAUST PIPES! And I hope they get stuck! You are such a femme for liking that rapper!)

(All of a sudden, a movie clip was heard throughout the rec room. It was from Puss in Boots)

("You are a woman?" …. "Ooooooooo!")

("BEE!")

(*guilty whirring and clicks*)

Rule 50: Yes Mirage. We know you are a second generation tower mech. We all know about your being a noble. Shut up. No one cares if your armor is made of some fancy shmancy , cybertronian aluminum. Or how your paint is no longer made and only you have rest. Jeeze.

(Sera got pretty pissy with Mirage)

(That damn mouth of his!)

(Sera got brig time)

(You almost have to feel bad for the noble Mirage)

(Sera took paint remover and wrote "FRAG OFF PRISSY PANTS." On Mirage's hood while he was in recharge.)

(The whole base was silently rooting for her.)

**Sooooo how was that? I actually wrote these while I was in Ethics class. Haha. Sorry about the longness of number 43. I was actually considering making that into a oneshot. But Yeah! I will be writing more! R&R! **


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